I heard a lot of noise and looked over at the stove where a red tea kettle appeared to be fiercely boiling such that I feared it would explode. I ran to shut off the burner, but no burner was lit. I lifted the top off the kettle thinking to release the pressure. Peering inside I was amazed to see a gaggle of very little people screaming and shouting and hurling invectives and anything handy at each other. It wasn’t hard to discern even amidst all that turmoil that the little combatants were arguing and fighting over the matter of gay marriage. Lo and behold, I had come upon a veritable Tempest in a Tea Pot. With people that small, it just had to be a parliamentary brouhaha, for sure.

In the legislature of Tennessee (and many a city council) the very same tea-pot tempest is raging. What to do, oh what to do about this assault by the Supreme Court of the United States upon traditional Christian, Jewish, Muslim and other sects’ requirement that marriage is the union of man and woman? The religious shout “tyranny” and threaten to ignore the Court’s ruling. After all, they point out, SCOTUS doesn’t have an army but Tennessee has its Guard. The gay-rights crowd shout “anarchy,” and remind the boisterous traditionalists that there are Federal Marshals to enforce the Court’s orders, and FBI agents and the U.S.military available through the office of a President who agrees with the Court’s ruling, not to mention the fact that the home Guard can be federalized.

It was beginning to look like another civil war might break out when who should take the floor of the Tennessee legislature in his finest buckskins and a coonskin cap? None other than Tennessee’s most famous son, former state legislator, U.S. congressman and king of the wild frontier–Davy Crockett.

“Shucks,” says Davy, “Enough of this backwoods stupidity about going to war over a tempest you legislators created in the first place, which you can fix in two shakes of a dead bear’s tail and a few quick parliamentary votes you should all agree on. All you gotta do is get the state outta of the marriage business altogether, and leave it up to folks who want to marry and churches that want to marry ‘em. No license required. No rules. No special treatment under the tax laws. Call it the Freedom to Marry Act, and resolve to never again stick your collective noses where they never belonged in the first place. And if you want to do something good for the people of our great state while you’re at it, repeal the outrageous, thieving sales tax, the highest in the nation. It is breaking poor people’s back.